I used to vacation in the Dominican Republic where the weather was grand and the people fantastic, the friendliest in the Caribbean. It’s an island where music is the language of locals and stress does not exist. The national motto of the Dominion Republic is “Live Free, or One, Two, Three – Merengue!”

All problems in the DR are solved by dancing. On a bad day, this lush and sea-swept nation is one big conga line from Puerto Plata to Santo Domingo. After three memorable trips to this country, I have created a Q&A Spanish-language course highlighting the most common phrases a visitor to this island might need.

Buenos dias means “good morning,” por favor means “please,” and gracias means “thank you.” El camión dio marcha atrás encima de tu equipaje means “el truck has jess backed ojer your luggage.”

Question: Por que? Translation: But why? Answer: No se. No se means “I don’t know.” But more than any other phrase in the Dominican Republic, no se has a multitude of non-literal existential meanings. In this specific case, it translates: “I have no !@#%*! idea.”

Question: Why are those guys throwing the luggage over the closed tailgate of the truck and bouncing the bags off the roof of the cab before they fall to the floor? Answer: No se. Translation: Luggage tossing, or the Samsonite Hammer, is a demonstration sport in the 2012 London Olympics.

Question: You call that a luggage truck? Answer: Si. Translation: You’re lucky Wednesday is not garbage day in the Dominican Republic; otherwise that truck wouldn’t be available at all, Mr. Smarty Pants.

Back at the hotel six hours later, a question: Where is my luggage that el truck hass backed ojer? Answer: No se. Translation: We are working on the theory that a Senora G. Tomaso over at the Jack Tar Village has been delivered your bag by accident.

Question: Do you think she’ll give my luggage back? Answer: No se. Translation: This woman is so hepped up on duty-free liquor, she is now playing catch against a wall with your ball and glove, wearing only your Cleveland Indians cut-offs, and we can’t get near her.

Question: How come I have two refrigerators in my room but no dresser for my clothes? Answer: No se. Translation: Look, we are kind of new at this. Up until 20 years ago, we were able to keep pleasure-seeking cheapskates like yourself out of our country. So we still have a few wrinkles to iron out. Relax. Tomorrow, it will be very hot. Put your clothes in your refrigerators overnight.

Question: How come every day three guys come to my door to check the “Bar-in-Your-Room, Fully Stocked for Your Convenience” refrigerator to see what I’ve used, and every day I tell them I can’t use it because I don’t have the key to open it, and every day they say they’re coming back with the key, but all they ever come back with is the question of how much did I use from the refrigerator? How come? Answer: Por que is always a better way to begin a sentence than “how come.” Translation: I told you. Relax. Sit back. Put your feet up. Chill out. Have a drink from the “Bar-in-Your-Room, Fully Stocked for Your Convenience” refrigerator.

Question: Is the tap water okay to drink? Answer: Si. Translation: How much did you have and when? Answer: Two glasses, two minutes ago. Order: Quítense del pasillo, pronto! Translation: Clear the lobby, Pedro, this could get ugly fast!

Question: How come 50 souvenir shops in a row all sell exactly the same merchandise? Answer: No se. Translation: How do you say in your country, Wal-Marta?

I saw a steel manufacturing plant near the airport. Question: What do they make there? Answer: No se. Translation: It’s closed down now but they used to make baseball gloves for George Bell.

Statement: Last night we were having drinks on my balcony and a beautiful orange and yellow bird flew low over the table and pooped in my glass of Scotch. Reply: Como terrible! Translation: You’re lucky you weren’t having dinner.

Question: Are we having some kind of fun or what? Answer: One, two, three meringue, hey! hey! hey! One, two, three meringue!

William Thomas is the author of Never Hitchhike On The Road Less Travelled  – visit williamthomas.ca.