When it comes to our social network, leaving the world of full-time work can be a mixed blessing.
Yes, retirement gives us more time to spend with our close friends and family. But we may find that many casual friendships, built up largely through our work, will fade away. To compensate for this loss we need to work on two strategies: begin to develop social relationships outside of work, and strengthen relationships with those at work so they will continue into retirement.
Developing relationships outside of work requires effort but the good news is that they will be in place when we retire. This may be a time for you to consider getting involved with a volunteer organization or a service club. It may mean that on one or two evenings a week you’ll have to fight the impulse to collapse in front of the boob tube – but it will be worth it.
Strengthening relationships with those at work will not require as much effort. It’s simply a case of moving those friendships out of the workplace and into another shared activity. The key is to start now. If you leave it until you retire, it will be too late.
Why should we care about casual friendships? After all, isn’t it our relationships with close friends and family that really count? It’s this inner circle that we rely on to get us through thick and thin.
While this is true, it turns out that our informal friendships and acquaintances are equally important.
Sociologists tell us there are two types of relationships: bonding relationships and bridging relationships. Bonding relationships are those that we experience with our closest friends and family. They provide us with all manner of support: emotional, psychological and financial. The people in our inner circle share many of our opinions and construct their view of the world from similar sources of information.
Then there are bridging relationships. These are relationships that we have with the majority of people in the workplace: friendships with people who are not like us; people with an entirely different set of experiences and different backgrounds. And individuals who provide us with an alternative view of the world and who allow us to tap into information from new sources.
The workplace automatically brings us into contact with people with different backgrounds. Outside of the workplace the chances of developing a wide assortment of acquaintances decreases. Unfortunately the modern world provides us with fewer opportunities than in the past to develop bridging relationships. Church attendance is down, people don’t volunteer at service clubs as much and more people work out of home offices or telecommute.
I’ve worked on my own as a research consultant in a home-based office for the past 16 years. Few of the friendships that I had developed in my traditional nine-to-five job survived the transition into my new career. While I was glad to be removed from the grind of commuting and endless meetings, I did start to feel a bit isolated and out of the loop. I lacked daily contact with an assortment of people. I became reluctant to make presentations and speak in front of people.
Four years ago I joined Toastmasters in order to recapture my speaking skills and boost my confidence. I was able to do this quite quickly, which gave me great satisfaction. But I also discovered an unexpected benefit of my membership. I met and became friends with a variety of new people with different experiences and backgrounds.
I recommend this approach – joining a new organization that holds regular, maybe weekly or monthly meetings – in advance of retirement as you put things in place planning for your departure from the workplace.
My close family and friends provide me with the emotional and psychological support that I need but I rely on my acquaintances to provide me with a different perspective on the world. Both are critical to my happiness.