Each year in January, online dating sites see a jump in registrations. Is it the New Year's resolution that this will be the year to meet someone special? Or is the inevitable, relentless approach of V-Day?

After all, no one wants to be alone on Valentine's Day. But what are singles – particularly single seniors – looking for in that special someone?

"I was only looking for kindness," says Maria, a vivacious 52-year-old, who recently met her live-in partner, Jim, on Plenty of Fish, a free dating site. "I hadn't had much luck with relationships and I decided that when life is upside down, kindness is the one thing that will make things right."

It was loneliness that drove Maria to take a chance on online dating. "My friends would say, 'you should be comfortable with your own company,' and I am," she explains, "But sometimes you just want someone to talk to during dinner instead of the TV, and someone to hold you." Although she and Jim have religious differences, she's willing to compromise because, she says, "We have the same values and we have so much fun when we're together."

According to the American Association of Retired People (AARP), there are an estimated 85-million baby boomers in North America, and 30 per cent of the boomer population is single. Approximately 63 per cent of those are actively dating according to a 2003 AARP study. A large percentage of these are going to online websites in order to widen their search beyond their immediate circle.

Seniorpeoplemeet.com, based in the U.S., is a leading online site for seniors with over 300,000 visitors each month, but the list of online sites is expanding monthly with every racial, sexual and other preference represented. There is even a site that rates the sites – datingsitesreviews.com, which lists dozens of dating sites from Amor and Asia FriendFinder to Yahoo! Personals and Zoosk. Fifty-plus sites rated included Lavalife PRIME, PerfectMatch.com, Prime Singles, Senior FriendFinder, SeniorMatch.com and SeniorPeopleMeet.com. Canadian sites include Canadian Personals, eHarmony, Lavalife and Yahoo! Personals.

Being in the business world, Anika, age 63, had little difficulty meeting men after her divorce eight years ago. She has been in a series of relationships since then and currently is dating someone she recently met at a Christmas party. What is she looking for? "Someone who is sensitive and caring and able to communicate on my level," she describes. "Now it's more about spending quality time together vs. material things."

Focusing on one person at a time can be a difficult in the online dating community. It's easy to fall into the "smorgasbord" trap - keep going back for another and another because if you don't close your profile, people may keep contacting you. Maria's partner, Jim, asked her to concentrate on him until a decision was made, and though she thought it a bit pushy at the time, she saw the wisdom of it. "It's hard to keep them all straight when you date several at once," she says.

While they decided to live together, others aren't sure. Anika's still in the working world and likes her independence. "When I retire I think I'll want someone to sleep with and cuddle with but I'm not sure I'm ready yet," she says, but adds, "It would also be nice not to always be a fifth wheel at family gatherings."

Jay, age 65, also isn't sure he wants a permanent, live-in relationship again. He's had three marriages and in the 10 years since the last one ended, several short-term relationships. He acknowledges he's a little gun shy. "The plus of being single is being able to do what I want, whenever I want, but it is lonely cooking for one," he admits. "In fact, I tend to buy in food or eat out because it's no fun."

Good-looking, successful and with an outgoing personality, Jay has found it easy to meet women. He's met some women online but he says, "I like the spontaneity of running into someone in the bank, or in a line at the coffee shop. I even met one lady in Costco!" It's that instant attraction that he enjoys.

That attraction may or may not be there, even after several phone chats, with an online connection. Despite ticking all the right boxes in terms of personality, humour, education, and even income, says Rich, age 60, in the end, "You know if it's right when you actually meet."

Rich describes meeting one woman after several phone calls, "She was smart, successful, beautiful, but there just wasn't anything happening for me." They met in a coffee shop and she patently found him attractive. "She kept subtly moving her chair around that little table, closer to me," he recalls with a laugh. "And I kept moving mine away, until I finally came to a post and I was trapped!" That's when she moved in for the clincher. "I live around the corner," she breathed. "Come over to my place and I'll have you in bed before you get your socks off!" Rich declined politely, "She had told me I was the fourth guy she had met this week. I kept thinking, yeah, and the fourth one back at her place. I don't think so!"

Sex is the elephant in the room for many older singles. Most have been married for a long time and aren't used to either the dating scene or the sexual mores that seem to be current. Some like Marco, a young-looking 58, lay it on the line. He has been single for 12 years and is now dating Elaine, a woman of 39. "Women my age will say they're interested in sex, but they really aren't. I have a strong sex drive and I've found that if I try to make love every night, they say no," he explains. "Elaine is always up for it."

When does the issue of sex come up? Most claim it takes a few dates. Maria laughs, "On our first date, Jim tried to kiss me goodnight. I ducked it and shook hands with him. The next time we went out, he solemnly shook hands with me. That made us both giggle."

Jay is clear that mutual sexual attraction is crucial and expects to be in bed together after a few dates. "I usually broach the subject early on to see where they stand," he says. "If they say something like, 'Been there, done that, not really interested anymore,' that's pretty much the end for me."

Anika though, talks about a caring relationship. "I was sick on New Year's Eve and I know he was looking forward to going out that night," she says of her new boyfriend, "but he ordered dinner in and rubbed Vicks on my chest, and cuddled me on the couch while we watched a movie."


Tips to Get Lucky Online:
Want to post a profile on a dating site? Here are some simple tips to help:

• Make your headline catchy – eschew boring openers like “Fun-loving and Ready to Try Anything.” Try: “Grab Your Parachute.”
• Avoid sounding desperate with lines like “Looking for my soulmate” or “Need a good man/woman.” Actually, avoid the word soulmate altogether.
• No negative comments – your new potential partner doesn’t need to hear about how awful your previous one was
• Tell people what you like – movies at home, fast cars, skiing, etc. These are areas of possible common ground
• Don’t make a shopping list: Want a person who is funny, fit, comfortably off, willing to try new things, etc. Would you want to be trying to check yourself off on such a list?
• Be honest. There’s little point in listing yourself as 6 feet tall and athletic build if you’re 5’6” and a little chubby – your date will notice
• Post a recent picture – with a smile on your face and without cats, dogs, stuffed animals, homes, cars or motorbikes in the background. Are you listening guys? Women aren’t interested in your hardware

LET’S HEAR FROM YOU. Have you found love on internet dating sites? How did it happen? Any words of caution? Email us at dwall@metroland.com.